Non Existance

Sometimes I stop and wonder, wonder if I ever even belonged. I mean my birth WAS a mistake after all. She was 14 at the time she had me, I understand she couldn't take care of me but sometimes I just wish she had stopped and thought about the consequences of "getting it on" with this man she hardly even knew. But how could she have known he would have walked out on her and left her depressed and all alone with this unborn baby? Thats right she couldn't have known. Sometimes I blame her for all my troubles, and silently curse her name with such deep hatred that I can no longer even recognize my own self. When I look in the mirror what do I expect, who do I expect to see? I know I will see me but I pray every day that I will wake up, look in the mirror, and see someone other then myself. What is my purpose? Thats just it, I have none... it seems wherever I go all I cause is anxiety and sadness... so why not stop going? They say death is the easy way out, thats not true. There is constantly your mind and your willpower pushing you to live on, when everybody says "give up" your mind says "push on." So to escape it all I do something easier than suicide, I sleep. I have slept for three days straight once. There is only one problem with sleeping, when you wake up, you have the whole world to answer to. My aunt always says "god loves you" I think thats a load of BS. If god loved me or anyone else I would have never been born. But the thing about me is I don't wish to die, I simply wish to "not exist" so that all the destruction I have caused will just disappear like dust fading away, everything I have been, am, or will be will just be erased, along with me.